While these patterns are learned in childhood from watching others interact and communicate, they may no longer be serving you. Taking on any one of these three roles provides a distraction from your own issues that need to be addressed or the true problem. You might even find yourself experiencing all three roles internally, as you use internal criticism to try to motivate yourself (persecutor), only to become exhausted and overwhelmed (victim) and attempt rescuing yourself from your pain through addiction or numbing behaviors (rescuer). Where you join the triangle stems from your experiences in your family-of-origin. We all play each of these three roles in our relationships, but you may tend to start your spiral around the triangle in one of the three types: victim, persecutor, or rescuer. These dynamics are common in addictive relationships. Stephen Karpman ( ) a psychiatrist specializing in transactional analysis, developed this model to describe the constantly shifting power dynamics in relationships. The Karpman Drama Triangleĭoes this sound familiar to you? The scene above describes the power dynamics at play in the Karpman drama triangle. As your annoyance rises, you decide to bring it up again, and your spouse reacts in anger.Īnd so the cycle begins again. You see yourself trying to change, but your spouse hasn’t changed at all. You make promises to change, to be more loving and kind, to help out around the house more often, whatever it is to appease the situation.Īnd perhaps you succeed at this for a day or two, but eventually you feel taken advantage of once again. Why did I let my temper get out of hand? You start to backpedal, looking for ways to make your spouse feel better. Suddenly you get hit with a wave of guilt. In your rage, you might even break things or throw an object across the room.Īs you unleash your anger, you notice a look of fear cross your spouse’s eyes. You raise your voice in response: “You think I’m the problem? It’s not like you’re helping!” You then launch into your own volley of criticisms, anger causing you to yell and berate your spouse, saying things you know you’ll later regret. You feel beaten down, exhausted, and maybe even a little ashamed.īut as your spouse’s criticism digs deeper, your tone subtly starts to shift. ![]() Why is it always my fault? I never see other couples fighting like this. They’re targeting you and criticizing you again for something you’ve done wrong. The familiar scene plays out as you hear your spouse’s voice rise in anger.
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